Final draft of Op-ed

Zeenat Qanoongo

Writing for the Arts and Humanities

Spring 2022

Prof Brener

        Women and Men in Desi Culture

Women as an entire struggle so much in their daily lives with everything they have to go through. Aside from daily struggles, sometimes culture plays a hand in making their lives ten times harder. Take desi culture for example, where women tend to be put down often or belittled. As someone who is desi, I, myself, have a lot of experience with this. Growing up, I heard a lot of phrases that all came from a similar perspective. As a child, I was okay with it but as I grew up, I learned that they’re wrong. Soon enough, I started to stand up for myself. During this whole process, I would often get into arguments with my parents about our colliding perspectives. However, I don’t blame them due to the fact that they grew up with these ideas rooted into our culture, hence it being what they were taught. I was introducing a completely new and different way of thinking that might have made them feel like I was disconnecting from their culture.

When taking desi culture into account there are many customs rooted into the culture that shapes the people to the way they are. There are many things taught to women that are supposed to shape them the way desi society would want them. This also goes for men, which is a huge reason as to why women are so opressed. In a study about desi culture titled “Masculinity and Challenges for Women in Indian Culture” it states “But the more subtle expression of patriarchy is through symbolism i.e., giving messages of the inferiority of women through legends that highlight the self-sacrificing, self-effacing pure image of women. It is also expressed through the ritual practices which day in and day out emphasize the role of women as faithful wives and devout mothers. Also, women are trained not to challenge discrimination, subordination, exploitation, and subjugation at various levels in the system. These norms restrict women from having aspirations beyond marriage. Similarly, for men, gender norms are constructed around masculinity and a man’s sense of self hinges on his ability to control women. Until the daughter is married, her protection and chastity are considered as a mark of the father’s honor and masculinity.” This whole paragraph explains the baseline behind desi culture and norms and why women are treated as such. Due to the expectations placed on men, as in they need to be “strong” and hold power over women, they treat women horribly, thinking it’s how they’re supposed to be, while women are expected to be patient and sacrificing because it is whats expected of them.

Another burden on women in desi society are beauty standards. When women live up to the beauty standards, they’re offered good jobs, good marriage proposals, good grades in school etc. Although in the culture, women are expected to cover up and dress modestly, they are also just as easily valued as sexual objects. This ties into men thinking they have the power to tell women how to dress and how they should act because of how quick they are sexualized and objectified. Its really opening eyes to how women are sexualized through pretty privilege and how being pretty or having a “nice body” is seen as a pro, when in the end, its just a woman’s body being objectified, because at the end of the day, a woman is diminished down to nothing but her body. In a study talking about beauty standards in Pakistan it states “In this society, people largely expect that good-looking women will be hired over those who do not meet accepted beauty standards. Beautiful women reap social benefits, while women whose bodies are not socially approved may not achieve any positive outcome. Men in this society also understand that they have the power to tell women how their bodies ought to be and behave.” Something that is looked down upon is darker skin tones. There is a huge market of whitening skin creams and facials that are sold because of the obsession with being white. This also roots into deep racism and colorism about how the whiter you are, the higher status you have compared to people with darker skin. This goes to show that beauty plays a huge part in how a woman will be treated, and besides women already being expected to act certain ways (forgiving, sacrificing) they are also expected to look a certain way for them to be accepted into society as a woman. 

While taking about beauty standards in desi culture, another thing to be taken in consideration is the alarming high rate of sexual assault and rape that takes place in southern east asia. Young girls from the age of 5, who know nothing are often sexulaized by grown men, who end up groping, or raping them. Even while walking down the street on a good day, women are often stared down or watched even if they are modestly dressed (according to men). Majority of the time they are often touched inappropriately or groped, and sadly it has become so normalized that women have become fearful of the men. They teach their young girls how to avoid situations by covering themselves, or hiding their body parts, going as far as to not let their girls go outside. “Many women described being groped — almost all of Nayaran’s women interviewees, she said, had experienced being inappropriately touched. “This has become normalized. This is no longer traumatic,” she said. Such behaviors occur because of how young girls in India are raised, Narayan writes. “I call the way girls are raised ‘fear training,’ literally, training girls to become fearful. It is training based on no and don’t. No, you can’t do this. No, you can’t do that.”” Before women often didn’t say anything to men for their behaviors, but as time progresses women have come to the realization that this isn’t normal and have stood together against these behaviors. Although in some places in southern east asia, these ideas still have yet to make an impact there as they are still conservative and close minded. 

These are a few of the many problems within desi culture that have yet to be addressed. Due to how close minded and conservative people tend to be, these topics aren’t allowed to be openly spoken on, and if attempted to, they are looked down upon. I have the same experience with my parents, as I’m not allowed to openly speak about my periods or anything that I am going through as a woman. I’m expected to look a certain way (staying skinny) . I have a pretty privilege compared to many girls in Pakistan because I naturally have a lighter complexion and I’m a skinny girl. Regardless, I’m expected to cover up more because I have that pretty privilege, and because of that I’m often sexualized and objectified as a good marriage partner by older men and women. A lot of women experience this in desi culture and it’s a series of problems that need to be addressed and worked on over time or it will result in a lot of generational trauma. 

Masculinity and Challenges for Women in Indian Culture. https://vc.bridgew.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2461&context=jiws 

Doshi, Vidhi. “Analysis | Why India’s Modern Women Say It’s a ‘Burden’ to Be Female.” The Washington Post, WP Company, 1 Dec. 2021, https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/worldviews/wp/2018/03/12/why-indias-modern-women-say-its-a-burden-to-be-female/

Is women’s beauty used as a means to … – vc.bridgew.edu. (n.d.). Retrieved April 11, 2022,  https://vc.bridgew.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=2715&context=jiws 

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